Holding a memorial after a direct cremation

The most common worry families have about a direct cremation is that it means no farewell. It does not. It simply separates the cremation itself from the goodbye, so the goodbye can happen on your terms: your place, your time, your people.

With a traditional funeral, everything is compressed into one expensive week. The service has to happen within days, at a venue with a set time slot, while everyone is still in shock. A direct cremation removes that deadline. The practical side is handled quietly and respectfully, the ashes come home to your family, and the memorial happens when you are actually ready for it.

Why families do it this way

There is no rush. Once the ashes are home, there is no clock running. Some families gather within the week. Others wait a month so a daughter can fly back from Perth, or hold it on a birthday or anniversary that means something.

Everyone who matters can be there. In Far North Queensland, family is often spread across the country or overseas. Choosing your own date means nobody has to miss the goodbye because of a flight they could not get.

It costs very little. A chapel, a celebrant and catering through a funeral home can add thousands. A gathering at home or at a favourite beach can cost almost nothing, and the money that would have gone to a venue can go to the family instead.

It actually feels like them. A memorial you design yourself tends to sound like the person you are remembering, not like a ceremony template.

Where Cairns and FNQ families hold memorials

There is no rule that says a farewell needs a chapel. Around here, families choose places that meant something:

• A backyard or family property on the Tablelands
• A favourite beach at sunrise, Palm Cove, Yorkeys, Etty Bay
• The Esplanade or a quiet park with a view
• Out on the water, for families who fished or sailed together
• The local club, pub or footy ground where they spent their Saturdays

If you are planning to scatter ashes in a public place, a national park or on the water, it is worth a quick call to the council or park office first. Most are accommodating, they just like to know. We can point you in the right direction for wherever you have in mind.

What a memorial can look like

There is no format you have to follow, but families often include a few simple things:

• Someone to open and close, a family member rather than a hired celebrant
• A few stories, planned or straight from the heart
• Their music, not organ music
• A table of photos, or a slideshow on a TV at home
• Food and drink they would have approved of
• Something living: a tree planted, a rose bush, a plaque in the garden

Some families do all of this. Some just have a quiet cup of tea together when the ashes come home. Both are a proper goodbye.

How we fit in

Our part is the practical side, done properly: your loved one brought into our care, all paperwork and doctor's certificates handled, the cremation carried out privately and respectfully, and the ashes delivered back to your family. One flat price, $1,990 + GST, with everything explained plainly before anything happens.

What comes after is yours. If you would like ideas, or you are not sure where to start, ask. Shane has helped many FNQ families through this and is happy to talk it through with no obligation.

Call Shane on 0461 543 517, any hour, or read more about how a direct cremation works.